What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
11.06.2025 12:09
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
Are evolutionists giving evolution a bad name by claiming humans started off as shrews?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
I said to her
(And it was in our own minds.)
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
My life is so biszare .
What do you like the most about black people?
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
How can you tell if someone is cunning?
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
When she asked me how she looked .
How do you go about getting invited to an orgy?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
She married twice! .
Ground beef sold at Whole Foods might be contaminated with E. coli, USDA warns - CNN
But it wasn’t much.
It was going to be , some day.
He was dying to do it , i knew.
Can you tell me something about yourself?
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
What did i know ?
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
The Best Of Roots Picnic Made Up For The Absolute Worst - HuffPost
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
She found it foreign!.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
Space Force demos rapid turnaround on latest GPS III launch - Defense News
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Im still living with it.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
She wouldn,t have been !
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
How conservative the Japanese people really is? And the government?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
Brain ‘Reset Wave’ May Explain How ECT Rapidly Relieves Depression - Neuroscience News
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
But, we were locked up after school.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I don,t even have a pension.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I had hoped to write a book about this .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
I write beautiful poetry .
I will be 64.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
I was 9 years of age.
So whats the point in blame.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Was to survive, this bastard.
But ive been too sick for many years..
Ive learnt so much.
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I was very sick at this time too.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
I was scared of men, in general
Where the ultimate outsiders.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Who then, do I blame.?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
Put me off passion for life!!
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
Especially a lifetime of it.
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
I never cut or harmed myself..
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
I couldn’t, believe it.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
We were not on the streets..
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
All the time i was locked up.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Would this be the day?
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Comes on , in middle age.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
We all went to grammer schools
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
She was in good health!
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
I was seconnd youngest,
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I could never make a relationship work though!
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
He knew the spot.
She loved him until the end.
My family never makes their pension either.
One cannot live in the past .
I waited trembling.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
As i do to all so called friends.?
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
I have no regrets .
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Why did i forgive my father ?
My mum and dad in the seventies!
This is soul school!.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
He resisted the act ,that day.
And i lived it daily.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
So, i spoilt her more .
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I think the readers, may guess!
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)